Hi everyone!
When You Call My Name was a book I picked up on a whim, mostly because I was really in the mood for something emotional, and something that would make my cold dead heart shed a few tears.
And girl did this book deliver.
An immediate five-star read even before I had even reached the halfway point, Tucker Shaw really had me in the palm of his hand with this brilliantly moving and necessary story.
Content Warnings: death of a loved one, illness, homophobia,
Synopsis
In the spirit of the author’s massively popular Twitter thread, Tucker Shaw’s When You Call My Name is a heartrending novel about two gay teens coming of age in New York City in 1990 at the height of HIV/AIDS epidemic. Named "this summer's most powerful LGBTQ+ novel" by GAY TIMES, this book is perfect for fans of Adam Silvera and Mary H. K. Choi.
Film fanatic Adam is seventeen and being asked out on his first date—and the guy is cute. Heart racing, Adam accepts, quickly falling in love with Callum like the movies always promised.
Fashion-obsessed Ben is eighteen and has just left his home upstate after his mother discovers his hidden stash of gay magazines. When he comes to New York City, Ben’s sexuality begins to feel less like a secret and more like a badge of honor.
Then Callum disappears, leaving Adam heartbroken, and Ben finds out his new world is more closed-minded than he thought. When Adam finally tracks Callum down, he learns the guy he loves is very ill. And in a chance meeting near the hospital where Callum is being treated, Ben and Adam meet, forever changing each other’s lives. As both begin to open their eyes to the possibilities of queer love and life, they realize sometimes the only people who can help you are the people who can really see you—in all your messy glory.
A love letter to New York and the liberating power of queer friendship, When You Call My Name is a hopeful novel about the pivotal moments of our youth that break our hearts and the people who help us put them back together.
My Review
My Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
When You Call My Name is the beautiful, heart-wrenching story of three young boys, Adam, Ben, and Callum, whose lives are for better or worse, intertwined by the common thread of the AIDS/HIV epidemic during 1990.
(NO, it's not in any way related to the book or movie Call Me By Your Name).
atmosphere
We see the story through the two main perspectives of Adam and Ben, both of whom are around 18 or 19. At first, they have very separate lives. They both live in New York, but their paths never cross, and for a while, you're not sure how their stories are interconnected or why it's taking so long for them to meet.
But trust me, it's worth the wait.
The story has a very soft, yet charged atmosphere. When you read it, it makes you feel as if tragedy is inevitable.
It's so well-written and I'm finding it hard to pinpoint just what the vibes are exactly like in the book.
What it's not is optimistic and sunshine-y. It has the sweetest found family moments that make your heart swell with love for those characters- it IS happy- but there's always a constant dark cloud, a constant threat that does not let them fully indulge in their joy.
It's a tumultuous period in history, and the author does a great job of reflecting on everything that must've been going on around that time. It was not possible to cover everything, but whatever was needed to give the reader a good idea of the feeling of fear, helplessness, and even rage that people must've been going through in those days.
"They say memories fade with time, but I don't believe that's true. You carry them like stones in your pocket. Sometimes when it's quiet, you take them out and roll them between your fingers. Then you put them back in your pocket, safe again. You don't leave them behind."
characters
I fell in love with the characters so fast. Ben especially, because he's just someone who wears his heart on his sleeve and is so gentle and sensitive and just sick of the expectations of toxic masculinity thrown his way.
Adam, who's more prickly and a little pessimistic, but so loving and feels so much. He is scared of everything that's going on around him and terrified of being alone and losing the people he loves. He's also a movie-fanatic, so if you're a fan of 90s films, you'll relate to him.
It is sometimes such a hard thing to face just how young these characters are, and yet what they are going through takes away years of their life.
Ben depicts more of the themes of facing disapproval, harassment, and reconciling with family.
I loved the development of his relationship with his brother.
Then there's Rebecca, Ben's bestie. And the girl boss magazine photographer that we all love. I would read a whole book series about her.
Aaaah, and THEN, there is Callum. Beautiful, adorable, selfless Callum who made me bawl my eyes out.
It doesn't matter how much time you spent with them. All characters are written in such a raw, realistic way.
"All flowers do is die, Adam thinks. You buy them because they are beautiful, but as soon as you bring them home, you realize that they have already begun to die. Swiftly or slowly. It doesn't matter. They only die, and all you can do is watch. "
themes
It's not just the themes of that period in history that are discussed, but also grief and community and mental health. It's about family, commitment, and self-acceptance. It's about the queer community coming together to fight against injustice and support each other.
"One day you're going to wake up and the world won't be as dark. One day the air will change... and the sun will feel good on your face again, and when it does, I want you to let it. It won't mean a betrayal. It won't mean that you've stopped caring. I promise "
There was another aspect, which would seem like a very small moment in the bigger plot, but I loved it firstly because it was so emotionally charged and so heavy. But it was also a confrontation. Our main characters are all white, and even though they're suffering, there are people out there who have it even worse than the Black people, people from minority groups, and marginalized communities- and it was important to address that.
setting and writing
I used these two elements together because especially in the context of this book, these two elements are very inter-connected.
The book is very much, as it says, a "love letter to New York". It's filled with vivid descriptions and imagery, which, paired with the vibrant and sharp writing style, makes you feel as if you are right there in the streets of 1990 New York, among the traffic lights and buildings and pop culture.
The author deftly elevates the emotions and significance of many scenes with his expressive writing style. He doesn't hold back on his feelings and the pop culture references.
The parallel narrative of the two characters flows smoothly until it meets at many, little places that end in disaster.
"The HIV epidemic is not over. Not by a long shot. There are still so many stories to be told and heard. We must tell and hear them. There is still so much to learn. We must learn it. There is still so much work to do. We must do it. We can't let go.
Please don't let go."
Another post you should definitely check out!- An interview of the author.
Time to Chat!
Let me know in the comments down below, or on any of my socials (Instagram @aamnaiswriting_ and Twitter @AaamnaRehman6) what's one book you read recently that made you wanna cry? Or just any piece of media that made you very emotional.
I hope you enjoyed reading this post!
Until next time,
Bye!